1 00:00:00,333 --> 00:00:03,359 (Man) Who'll start me at 100? 100 for a start. 2 00:00:03,436 --> 00:00:05,461 100 I'm bid. 100 I'm bid. 3 00:00:05,538 --> 00:00:08,405 Who'll give me 10, who'll make it 110? I'm looking for 110. 4 00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:10,534 100? 110 I'm bid. 110? 5 00:00:10,610 --> 00:00:14,102 Who'll make it 20? Come on, gentlemen, who'll make it 20? 6 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:16,580 120 I'm bid. It's with you, madam, at 120. 7 00:00:16,649 --> 00:00:19,117 Do I hear 50? 150 anywhere? 8 00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:23,884 Come on, gentlemen, that's a genuine antique. They don't come up every day. 150? 9 00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:25,754 150 I'm bid. 10 00:00:28,628 --> 00:00:31,062 Come on, gentlemen, I'm looking for 350. 11 00:00:31,131 --> 00:00:33,361 350 anywhere? 12 00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:36,459 Don't lose it, madam, don't lose it for another 50. 13 00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:39,994 350 anywhere? 350 I'm bid. 14 00:00:40,073 --> 00:00:43,304 At 350. Who'll make it four? I'm looking for four. 15 00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:46,243 Any more? At 350. 16 00:00:46,312 --> 00:00:50,510 Are you all done? At 350? At 350... 17 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,819 Lovejoy. 18 00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:03,392 Call up Tim. 19 00:01:09,035 --> 00:01:10,332 What the hell? 20 00:01:14,607 --> 00:01:17,132 Scam. An antique scam. 21 00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:20,179 - Not "an". The scam. - On what? 22 00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:21,440 It's Venice. 23 00:01:21,514 --> 00:01:24,483 - Well, what in Venice? - (Woman) Venice itself. 24 00:01:24,551 --> 00:01:26,610 Great, how did we get it through Customs? 25 00:01:26,686 --> 00:01:31,521 Now that young man knows everything I told him. 26 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,354 That won't be a problem. 27 00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:37,192 Well, if it's not absurd, I don't think you're the kind of people I wanna work for. 28 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:40,755 Well, if it's not absurd and you don't work for us, 29 00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:45,396 wouldn't that make your position rather... vulnerable? 30 00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:47,497 Are you threatening me, Caterina? 31 00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:53,306 (Horse neighs) 32 00:01:59,819 --> 00:02:02,754 Think of the resources that Pinder has backing him up. 33 00:02:02,822 --> 00:02:08,055 Know-how, expertise, manpower, money, money, more money. 34 00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,062 Go to the police, Lovejoy. 35 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:13,759 If you're so convinced all these things add up, go to the police. 36 00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:16,427 Can you imagine our local law coming up against that lot? 37 00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:18,562 - I know that look. - What look? 38 00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:22,597 The look that says you're going to be impetuous, vengeful, 39 00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:24,267 irresponsible and stupid. 40 00:02:24,344 --> 00:02:25,311 Janey! 41 00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:34,112 - Hello! - Nancy, hello. Nice to see you. 42 00:02:34,187 --> 00:02:35,415 - You look lovely. - Thank you. 43 00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:39,151 In the 18th century, Venice abounded with artists. 44 00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:42,752 I mean, Canaletto, Tiepolo, Piazzetta, Ricci. 45 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:45,696 Blokes who used the same boozer but became famous long after they were gone. 46 00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:50,725 And some old collector used to buy all their sketches and doodles and put on each scrap, 47 00:02:50,803 --> 00:02:54,569 the artist's original name in beautiful copperplate writing. 48 00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:58,077 Nobody knows who he was but we call him "the reliable Venetian hand". 49 00:02:58,144 --> 00:03:01,671 - The RVH. - And you found one? 50 00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,477 They? Who are they? 51 00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:05,381 Miss Norman. 52 00:03:05,451 --> 00:03:07,942 She's my best client, so I did not refuse. 53 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,216 Miss Norman, who lives at the Palazzo Malcontento? 54 00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:11,416 Sii. 55 00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:14,892 You see, she pays for many people to come to Venice through Cosul Tours. 56 00:03:14,961 --> 00:03:17,054 (Lovejoy) And Nancy the American girl is one of the tourists? 57 00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:18,256 Yes, that's right. 58 00:03:24,804 --> 00:03:26,328 (Gunshot) 59 00:03:42,622 --> 00:03:44,988 - Ah! - Shh. 60 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,117 Listen, you've been shot, but you're OK. 61 00:03:47,193 --> 00:03:49,252 The bullet went right through your shoulder, OK? 62 00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:51,126 The shock made you unconscious for a minute. 63 00:03:51,197 --> 00:03:52,994 It must... have been the hunters. 64 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,591 - Oh, yeah, yeah. - Ah! 65 00:03:55,668 --> 00:03:57,966 - An accident? - Oh, sure, an accident. 66 00:03:58,037 --> 00:04:01,438 Listen, Cosima, I don't think it was an accident. 67 00:04:01,507 --> 00:04:06,274 Listen, I don't know how to tell you this. I'm sorry, I don't know what I got you into. 68 00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:08,871 Please, it's not your fault. 69 00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:12,442 - Can you move? - Sii. 70 00:04:19,292 --> 00:04:21,988 - (Moans) - Shh. OK. 71 00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:34,267 There's a boat. OK? 72 00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:36,331 Come here. Trust me. 73 00:05:08,441 --> 00:05:10,807 (Nurse) Signor Lovejoy? Da questa parte, prego. 74 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,950 - You're all right. - Yes. 75 00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:28,955 Did the police see you? 76 00:05:29,028 --> 00:05:32,930 Yes. By the time they've done their checking, I hope to have this business settled. 77 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:36,196 - You must go away or hide. - No. 78 00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:37,896 - But, Signorina Norman... - Shh. 79 00:05:37,970 --> 00:05:40,871 No, no, they can't say anything, they'll implicate themselves. 80 00:05:41,541 --> 00:05:43,202 So what will you do? 81 00:05:45,778 --> 00:05:47,575 Plan B, love. 82 00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:51,580 Plan B. 83 00:05:52,919 --> 00:05:54,716 Lovejoy. Lovejoy Antiques. 84 00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:58,316 So much for plan B. 85 00:05:58,391 --> 00:06:00,916 (Lovejoy) 0h, you can get to Pinder with your charm. 86 00:06:00,993 --> 00:06:02,517 That's all you want me to ask him? 87 00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:04,062 Yeah. Will do. 88 00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:06,496 Oh, do you want me to wire you some money? 89 00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:11,367 Yes, I know you can't ask but you'll need some, you always do. 90 00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:13,302 OK, take care. 91 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:16,968 Money? I assume that must be your friend Lovejoy. 92 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:19,011 The poor dear's in some desperate mess. 93 00:06:19,078 --> 00:06:23,105 Do you know, I think it will be less trouble and of a lot less expense if we adopted him. 94 00:06:23,182 --> 00:06:26,208 He could have his own room, clean the horse brasses. 95 00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:38,359 Grazie. 96 00:06:39,532 --> 00:06:44,026 Dov'� Cosima? Nella sua camera, sii? 97 00:06:44,103 --> 00:06:47,698 You go with her yesterday, she not come back. 98 00:06:47,774 --> 00:06:50,004 Maledetti stranieri. 99 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:53,534 I don't like the way you look at her. I don't like the way you look at anybody! 100 00:06:53,613 --> 00:06:55,638 Well don't look then, eh? 101 00:07:01,554 --> 00:07:05,285 - Now I hurt you pretty bad. - Oh, shit. 102 00:07:09,796 --> 00:07:14,233 (Australian accent) Lovejoy. You wanna kick his goolies, Pommie? 103 00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:15,665 Now's your chance. 104 00:07:15,735 --> 00:07:19,398 Oh, no, I'd never hit a man when somebody else can do it better. 105 00:07:19,472 --> 00:07:20,905 (Italian man groans) 106 00:07:22,308 --> 00:07:26,768 You've been in my house before, Lady Felsham, I remember you. 107 00:07:26,846 --> 00:07:30,805 With my husband, yes. It was some years ago, cocktails. 108 00:07:30,883 --> 00:07:34,114 I remember all my parties, there are so few of them. 109 00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:37,247 But today you've come about Mr. Lovejoy. 110 00:07:37,423 --> 00:07:40,085 Yes, it's about the position you offered him. 111 00:07:40,159 --> 00:07:44,095 Did he tell you what the position entailed? 112 00:07:44,430 --> 00:07:47,888 No, only that it involved working with antiques in Venice. 113 00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:51,068 Unhappily he refused. 114 00:07:51,737 --> 00:07:55,901 I know, but he's changed his mind. He asked me to tell you. 115 00:07:56,676 --> 00:07:59,941 - I don't understand. - None of us understand Lovejoy, sir. 116 00:08:00,012 --> 00:08:01,639 - Shall I? - Please, please. 117 00:08:01,714 --> 00:08:05,150 He just wanted to see Venice before he made up his mind about living there. 118 00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:07,015 That's why he's there now. 119 00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:11,119 - Lovejoy's in Venice? - Yes. 120 00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:13,624 I thought you knew. 121 00:08:14,093 --> 00:08:15,390 No. 122 00:08:18,764 --> 00:08:22,029 Sii, praticamente la conferma � OK, i posti ci sono... 123 00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:26,265 - Giuseppe. - Lovejoy, what a crazy things to happen, 124 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,933 I hope they find these madmen with guns. 125 00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:31,101 - How do you say it in English? - (Phone) 126 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,940 - Same thing. Er... - Pronto... 127 00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:34,445 Momento, Giuseppe. 128 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:38,348 - Where are the Americans? - Sono andati con Signora Norman. Guardi che... 129 00:08:38,417 --> 00:08:41,875 - Where? - Verso I'isola di Torcello, on the Temptress. 130 00:08:41,954 --> 00:08:45,048 - What's the Temptress, a private boat? - Sii, sii. 131 00:08:45,124 --> 00:08:47,388 - OK. Ciao, grazie. - Buongiorno... Ciao. 132 00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:50,486 Eh, sii... No, stavo parlando con un mio cliente, scusi, signora. 133 00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:39,007 Hi. Where are you off to? 134 00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:42,639 (Nancy) I'm with my boss. (Lovejoy) What's the matter? 135 00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:45,741 I was only going to ask you if you wanted to have dinner. 136 00:09:45,818 --> 00:09:49,754 No, we can't have dinner. We can't have anything. 137 00:09:49,822 --> 00:09:51,619 I like you, Lovejoy, but you're after something 138 00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:54,091 you could just screw my job up, OK? 139 00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:14,041 Signor Lovejoy? 140 00:10:15,047 --> 00:10:18,016 � un messaggio per lei da Inghilterra. � di una signora. 141 00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:20,052 - Oh, grazie. - Prego. 142 00:10:24,490 --> 00:10:26,355 I don't understand. 143 00:10:26,425 --> 00:10:29,019 You don't think the man in England wanted you shot? 144 00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:31,996 I had a call from home. Pinder does not know I'm in Venice, 145 00:10:32,064 --> 00:10:33,861 so he wasn't the one who ordered me followed. 146 00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:36,265 - Or shot at. - Right. 147 00:10:36,335 --> 00:10:38,599 Have you seen Signorina Norman? 148 00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:42,232 Couldn't get past the door, love, but I will tomorrow. 149 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,436 We'd better let you rest. 150 00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:05,364 I believe I'm expected this time. 151 00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:32,053 Prego, signori. 152 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:49,870 Caterina? I thought you were in England. 153 00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:52,274 She is, I'm Lavinia. 154 00:11:53,312 --> 00:11:55,337 Twins? 155 00:11:55,414 --> 00:12:01,216 Tonio, this is our Signor Lovejoy, so esteemed by my sister and grandfather. 156 00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:04,279 Lovejoy, that man there is Tonio. 157 00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:08,190 Even at first glance I can tell he doesn't like you. 158 00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:11,320 Perhaps it's not first glance, perhaps he's seen me before. 159 00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:12,887 Perhaps. 160 00:12:13,532 --> 00:12:15,591 Tonio, get Lovejoy a drink. 161 00:12:16,702 --> 00:12:18,294 Cigarette? 162 00:12:19,805 --> 00:12:23,434 How can you smoke amongst all these magnificent oils? 163 00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:26,571 Even the rich should know better than that. 164 00:12:30,182 --> 00:12:32,878 Are you as expert as Grandfather said, Lovejoy? 165 00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:36,581 - He's a dealer, not a faker. - (Lovejoy) How do you know that? 166 00:12:36,655 --> 00:12:39,715 I was in England when Mr. Pinder saw you. 167 00:12:39,792 --> 00:12:41,851 Really? 168 00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:45,021 Were you there a few days before, perhaps, at an auction? 169 00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:48,624 We were buying Venetian art, we were at many auctions. 170 00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:52,997 I hope the champagne's to your satisfaction. 171 00:12:53,072 --> 00:12:55,666 The glass is. 172 00:12:55,741 --> 00:12:57,732 Any chance of me keeping this? 173 00:12:57,810 --> 00:12:59,744 Oh, you know, souvenir of my visit. 174 00:12:59,812 --> 00:13:03,714 If you work for us, Lovejoy, you can buy your own souvenirs. 175 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,547 - Well, count me in. - Are you a dealer? 176 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:09,884 Yeah. I've done a few forgeries in my time. 177 00:13:11,056 --> 00:13:12,683 I'm good. 178 00:13:13,325 --> 00:13:16,351 I'm just tired of wasting my talents for pennies. 179 00:13:17,696 --> 00:13:22,065 I need to be... upwardly mobile. 180 00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:24,534 I want the jackpot. 181 00:13:24,603 --> 00:13:29,540 I want to... How is it you Americans say? Cash in all my dance tickets. 182 00:13:29,608 --> 00:13:33,237 Not at Vassar, we didn't. What's this? 183 00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:34,904 Well, you know. 184 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:38,108 Well, if you and sis were as much into Venetian art as your grandad is. 185 00:13:38,184 --> 00:13:40,243 Yeah, with Grandad we had no choice. 186 00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:42,719 What about Mum? Mrs. Norman. 187 00:13:42,788 --> 00:13:44,722 She in the family business? 188 00:13:45,591 --> 00:13:48,992 (Sighs) Mother's a ditz. Something happened to mother once. 189 00:13:49,061 --> 00:13:50,995 I think it was the '60s. 190 00:13:51,063 --> 00:13:54,658 Anyway, now mummy lives near Santa Barbara where she grows her own pot, 191 00:13:54,733 --> 00:13:59,363 saves the whales and fights for the rights of migrant grape pickers. 192 00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:01,303 This is an R.V.H. 193 00:14:01,373 --> 00:14:03,000 Lovejoy. 194 00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:08,476 - Ricci, by Lovejoy. - I don't think so. 195 00:14:08,547 --> 00:14:12,039 - May I? - Honey, art's not your thing. 196 00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:14,681 What is, hairdressing? 197 00:14:14,753 --> 00:14:19,213 Lovejoy, would you shut up? Now you say you faked this? 198 00:14:19,291 --> 00:14:20,553 Yep. 199 00:14:21,627 --> 00:14:23,925 - Dov'� Luciano? - Sull'isola. 200 00:14:29,768 --> 00:14:31,827 Oh, thank you, but I don't smoke. 201 00:14:31,904 --> 00:14:34,395 - Burn it. - What? 202 00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:36,498 - Burn the sketch. - What? 203 00:14:36,575 --> 00:14:38,167 Well, it's a fake, right? So burn... 204 00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:41,407 It's a bloody brilliant fake, lady. I could make a hell of a deal on this. 205 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:44,347 You won't need deals if we employ you, Lovejoy. 206 00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:48,910 - Burn it. - That's a waste. 207 00:14:50,656 --> 00:14:55,684 Antiques really are quite special to you, aren't they, Lovejoy? 208 00:14:55,761 --> 00:14:59,288 Maybe more important than anything else. 209 00:14:59,365 --> 00:15:03,699 So if it's real, you won't destroy it because you can't. 210 00:15:04,770 --> 00:15:06,738 But if it's a fake... 211 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,228 Sorry about your carpet. 212 00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:45,906 Forgive me, Ricci. 213 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,768 (Lovejoy) Ah, why do you have to tie the hands as well? What if we sink? 214 00:16:13,839 --> 00:16:17,673 Ground, Signor. You cannot swim either. 215 00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:20,769 We Venetians have this superstition. 216 00:16:20,846 --> 00:16:23,610 Learn to swim and the lagoon thinks you do not trust her. 217 00:16:23,682 --> 00:16:25,707 - She does? - Takes revenge. 218 00:16:25,784 --> 00:16:29,049 - Especially at the time of acqua alta. - What's that? 219 00:16:29,121 --> 00:16:30,213 High water. 220 00:16:40,065 --> 00:16:43,034 Ehi, Lucia, un altro falsificatore. 221 00:16:44,036 --> 00:16:47,062 Va bene. Non rimanere qui, lo sistemo io. 222 00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:51,873 (Scots accent) They tell me you're a tasty faker. 223 00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:55,744 Haven't had time to see the word is on you yet, from back home, like. 224 00:16:55,814 --> 00:16:58,305 Luciano? Where the hell did you get a name like that? 225 00:16:58,384 --> 00:17:01,148 About five years back, when I first come here. 226 00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:03,415 Used to be Louis, Louis Tilly. 227 00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:07,448 Before a series of unfortunate altercations with Scotland Yard's Fraud Squad 228 00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:08,993 drove me to sunnier climes. 229 00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:12,826 Called myself Luciano because he was lucky. 230 00:17:12,898 --> 00:17:17,062 So far so have I been, especially since copping this job a couple of years back. 231 00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:18,763 Come on. 232 00:17:20,139 --> 00:17:22,369 Is there, er... (Clears throat) 233 00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:24,568 ...anything else I should know? 234 00:17:24,643 --> 00:17:26,270 Yeah. 235 00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:31,175 I don't want anybody screwing up this caper. 236 00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:33,218 Don't want no one bollocking up my retirement 237 00:17:33,285 --> 00:17:36,686 by being too curious or too greedy or too naughty. 238 00:17:36,755 --> 00:17:40,851 No, no. I tell all the new boys the same. Just keep your nose clean, do your job, 239 00:17:40,926 --> 00:17:43,986 and there'll be more than a drink in it for you at the end of the day. 240 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:49,626 Lucky, do I look like the kind of fella that would ruin your retirement? 241 00:17:49,701 --> 00:17:51,430 You'd better not. 242 00:17:51,503 --> 00:17:55,405 Lake Como's what I had in mind. Good for my chest. 243 00:17:55,474 --> 00:17:58,739 Lake Como after this... bleeding dungeon. 244 00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:02,212 - Where the hell are we anyway? - Did I not tell you not to ask questions? 245 00:18:02,281 --> 00:18:06,012 - I'm sorry, Lucky. - Have you not heard a word I said? 246 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:10,385 - A force of habit. - Well, change your habits, if you're gonna stay. 247 00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:13,653 I didn't know cameras were allowed in the Cora Museum. 248 00:18:13,725 --> 00:18:16,125 - They're not. - Then I'm impressed. 249 00:18:18,197 --> 00:18:20,563 With the fake. 250 00:18:20,632 --> 00:18:23,692 - (Shouts) Very good ageing. - He's not deaf, you know. 251 00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:25,361 His squaring is a bit dodgy though. 252 00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:29,066 It's easier for forging but it wouldn't fool a seasoned connoisseur, 253 00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:31,939 especially if he had an X-ray machine handy. 254 00:18:32,010 --> 00:18:33,375 Non toccare. 255 00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:35,845 Yeah, a proper little know-all you are, aren't ya? 256 00:18:50,028 --> 00:18:51,893 - It's you. - Me. 257 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,898 - Good. - I know. 258 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,433 Oh, I know it is, son. 259 00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:56,866 You know what they say. 260 00:18:56,935 --> 00:19:00,530 A great fake must be better than the original. 261 00:19:03,242 --> 00:19:05,233 Come on, we'll get you started. 262 00:19:09,848 --> 00:19:12,339 � buono, eh? 263 00:19:12,417 --> 00:19:14,009 Di mangiare. 264 00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:30,796 (Rumbling) 265 00:19:30,869 --> 00:19:32,860 What's that, uh... What's that noise? 266 00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:35,065 Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom? 267 00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:37,734 - Scusi? - Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. 268 00:19:37,809 --> 00:19:40,107 Oh, forget it. 269 00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:46,774 (Groans) 270 00:19:49,388 --> 00:19:53,654 No grub, no girls, no gossip. And I volunteered. 271 00:21:10,669 --> 00:21:14,105 Tomorrow I go south. To convalesce with my family. 272 00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:18,269 If I get out of this in one piece I might come and join you. 273 00:21:18,343 --> 00:21:20,106 I wish you would. 274 00:21:21,413 --> 00:21:23,813 Why did you get so mixed up in all this? 275 00:21:23,882 --> 00:21:26,043 I don't know. 276 00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:28,086 Everything got blurred. 277 00:21:28,153 --> 00:21:31,953 You see, this man Pinder in England... and then there's this operation in Venice 278 00:21:32,024 --> 00:21:34,219 but I don't know if he knows what going on. 279 00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:36,989 Do you think the people here are cheating him? 280 00:21:37,062 --> 00:21:39,292 Yes. He didn't know I was in Venice, 281 00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:41,992 so he can't be blamed for me being followed or attacked. 282 00:21:42,067 --> 00:21:46,003 And I think Lavinia's flying in planeloads of rich tourists to sell off the merchandise. 283 00:21:46,071 --> 00:21:49,165 I'm sorry but does not Pinder wish to sell them? 284 00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:51,471 No, I really believe that he wants to preserve them. 285 00:21:51,543 --> 00:21:54,341 But Lavinia, I really don't know what her game is. 286 00:21:54,413 --> 00:21:57,712 And I don't know if Caterina knows and I don't know what Tonio is, 287 00:21:57,783 --> 00:22:00,581 if he's a boyfriend, if so, whose boyfriend he is and... 288 00:22:00,652 --> 00:22:02,950 For your sake I don't know if I should be telling you this. 289 00:22:03,021 --> 00:22:05,512 Oh, please. I'm quite safe here. 290 00:22:13,865 --> 00:22:16,527 - You know when we went to Torcello? - Mm-hm. 291 00:22:17,569 --> 00:22:19,833 I wanted you to make love to me that day. 292 00:22:33,919 --> 00:22:35,511 - Cesare? - Sii? 293 00:22:35,587 --> 00:22:38,078 The Lido steamers, which routes do they take? 294 00:22:38,156 --> 00:22:43,594 They go to St Michele, Murano, Burano, Torcello... 295 00:22:43,662 --> 00:22:46,153 - No, that's too large, too inhabited. - For what? 296 00:22:46,231 --> 00:22:48,028 For what I have in mind. 297 00:22:48,100 --> 00:22:52,002 - Uh, to the south they go to... - No, forget the south, that's too far. 298 00:22:52,070 --> 00:22:55,198 That leaves the islands, the Lido runs. 299 00:22:55,273 --> 00:22:57,400 Which ones of these that are uninhabited? 300 00:22:57,476 --> 00:22:59,637 - Here, here... - What about that one? 301 00:22:59,711 --> 00:23:02,043 Nothing, only rats. 302 00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:05,106 Are there warnings of poison? There are many rats here. 303 00:23:05,183 --> 00:23:06,707 Only rats? 304 00:23:11,256 --> 00:23:15,352 Sii, sii, sii. Un attimo, un attimo! Lo sistemo io. 305 00:23:29,775 --> 00:23:31,208 Lost in thought, Lovejoy? 306 00:23:31,276 --> 00:23:34,677 It would speed things up if I could rig one of those hoists up in here. 307 00:23:34,746 --> 00:23:38,307 It could save us days rolling these stones all over the floor. 308 00:23:38,383 --> 00:23:41,045 Yeah, why not? Do it. 309 00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:44,384 - I could put a cross piece against the wall... - Do it, son, do it. 310 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,128 - Fancy a bite, Lucky? - I hate boats. 311 00:24:10,048 --> 00:24:14,314 I live above here. Small, but it suffices. 312 00:24:14,386 --> 00:24:15,876 Until Lake Como. 313 00:24:17,389 --> 00:24:19,755 If no one bollocks up, right. 314 00:24:19,825 --> 00:24:21,850 Why can't you go back to the UK? 315 00:24:21,927 --> 00:24:25,385 Oh, I could risk it. Forged passport, I suppose. 316 00:24:25,464 --> 00:24:27,091 How'd you do that? 317 00:24:29,935 --> 00:24:31,960 Settled in Italy, though. 318 00:24:32,037 --> 00:24:36,667 Like all those footballers. Brady and Wilkins and Hateley. 319 00:24:36,741 --> 00:24:39,539 Marvelous. Hateley, oh! 320 00:24:39,611 --> 00:24:42,307 And we've adjusted to a different way of life. 321 00:24:43,715 --> 00:24:45,615 Lucky? 322 00:24:45,684 --> 00:24:47,584 Must of that stuff's crap. 323 00:24:49,588 --> 00:24:51,556 That forgery factory is a cover, isn't it? 324 00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:54,186 What are you on about, son? 325 00:24:54,259 --> 00:24:58,889 You're an ace, you've got the best manuscript hand I've ever seen, 326 00:24:58,964 --> 00:25:02,195 you must know you're working with a bunch of second-raters. 327 00:25:02,267 --> 00:25:06,033 I mean, you age your canvas before you paint on it, Domenico doesn't. 328 00:25:06,104 --> 00:25:08,368 And he uses acrylics, for Christ's sake. 329 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,603 The wood carvings are done on American pine, which stinks the place out. 330 00:25:11,676 --> 00:25:14,804 What's your game, Lovejoy? What is your game? 331 00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,212 You're an expert, why aren't they? 332 00:25:19,818 --> 00:25:22,446 Must admit, not the class they once were. 333 00:25:24,956 --> 00:25:26,719 But don't ask questions, son, 334 00:25:26,791 --> 00:25:28,918 don't be young and foolish. 335 00:25:28,994 --> 00:25:30,859 Money's too powerful. 336 00:25:32,631 --> 00:25:35,293 It's giving us our orders, right? 337 00:25:35,367 --> 00:25:40,634 There'll be a reek of terrible vengeance on those who oppose its wishes. 338 00:25:40,705 --> 00:25:45,904 Is there something in the air in Venice that makes people talk like Shakespeare? 339 00:25:45,977 --> 00:25:47,501 I'll say it plainly. 340 00:25:47,579 --> 00:25:52,607 Go home, sleep, come to work. Go home, sleep, come to work. 341 00:25:52,684 --> 00:25:55,209 That's the way to live. 342 00:25:56,154 --> 00:25:59,214 - To dishonest endeavor. - Not for the next two days. 343 00:25:59,291 --> 00:26:02,055 High water - they won't ship us out in that. 344 00:26:02,127 --> 00:26:04,925 - Why's that? - Acqua alta. 345 00:26:12,304 --> 00:26:14,295 Eric followed Caterina to Heathrow. 346 00:26:15,373 --> 00:26:18,865 Yes, she took an Alitalia, 6:00p.m. 347 00:26:18,944 --> 00:26:21,435 Yes, 6.00p.m., flight to Venice. 348 00:26:22,514 --> 00:26:26,712 Oh, by the way, Eric would like reimbursement of petrol money. 349 00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:31,883 What? I'll tell him you said that. 350 00:26:33,992 --> 00:26:35,584 - Ho preso i fiori, signore. - Bello. 351 00:26:35,660 --> 00:26:37,855 - Ti piacciono? - Bella, signora. 352 00:26:37,929 --> 00:26:40,591 - Signorina Caterina Norman. - Sii. 353 00:26:40,665 --> 00:26:43,031 - Palazzo Malcontento. - Sii. 354 00:26:43,101 --> 00:26:47,060 - Bene. Diecimilli. - Grazie. Bene. 355 00:26:47,138 --> 00:26:49,106 - Grazie. - Grazie. Buongiorno. 356 00:27:04,456 --> 00:27:06,424 Thank you for the flowers, Lovejoy. 357 00:27:06,491 --> 00:27:08,584 I never knew you cared. 358 00:27:08,660 --> 00:27:12,756 I couldn't think of any other way of getting in contact with you, but I'm glad you like them. 359 00:27:12,831 --> 00:27:14,924 - Why all the cloak and dagger? - Well... 360 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,730 - Let's have a drink. - Thank you. 361 00:27:20,105 --> 00:27:22,767 I think Lavinia is pulling one over on Grandad. 362 00:27:22,841 --> 00:27:24,866 Really? 363 00:27:24,943 --> 00:27:27,639 - Oh, tell me what you know. - I'll tell you what I think. 364 00:27:27,712 --> 00:27:30,010 Firstly, you told Lavinia I was going to Venice, 365 00:27:30,081 --> 00:27:32,345 I mean, that's natural, but you didn't tell Pinder. 366 00:27:32,417 --> 00:27:34,681 Oh, no, I didn't wanna alarm him. 367 00:27:34,753 --> 00:27:36,653 Well, I found out he didn't know. 368 00:27:36,721 --> 00:27:39,747 So I knew it wasn't his idea when things started to get nasty around here 369 00:27:39,824 --> 00:27:42,054 including trying to knock me off. 370 00:27:42,127 --> 00:27:44,118 You can't be serious! 371 00:27:44,195 --> 00:27:47,687 I am, Caterina. Well, I am. 372 00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:50,391 Sis and company play hardball. 373 00:27:50,468 --> 00:27:52,595 I think old Pinder's over the top 374 00:27:52,671 --> 00:27:55,902 but I do believe that if he's trying to preserve Venice's treasures 375 00:27:55,974 --> 00:27:59,842 - until the day that he imagines it sinks. - He is. 376 00:27:59,911 --> 00:28:03,608 All the items are photographed or modeled before they're forged 377 00:28:03,682 --> 00:28:05,946 and then the originals are sold somewhere. 378 00:28:06,017 --> 00:28:08,281 Yes, in Tuscany. I'm not telling you where. 379 00:28:08,353 --> 00:28:11,720 But not before they're replaced by the fakes. 380 00:28:11,790 --> 00:28:13,280 I'm listening. 381 00:28:13,358 --> 00:28:16,452 Well, Grandpa's saving Venice and Lavinia's selling it. 382 00:28:16,528 --> 00:28:20,430 That's why she's flying in planeloads of rich buyers for the originals. 383 00:28:20,498 --> 00:28:23,490 They don't reach Tuscany, the fakes end up there 384 00:28:23,568 --> 00:28:25,559 and not very good fakes at that. 385 00:28:25,637 --> 00:28:28,970 - Some of the originals reach Tuscany. - What? 386 00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:33,033 Well, I don't steal them all, I'm not that stupid or that greedy. 387 00:28:33,111 --> 00:28:35,443 Just the ones that are easiest to sell. 388 00:28:35,513 --> 00:28:38,949 - Caterina? - Caterina's at the beauty salon. 389 00:28:39,017 --> 00:28:41,952 It is a shame she's going to miss your beautiful flowers. 390 00:28:42,020 --> 00:28:43,647 Oh, Lavinia. 391 00:28:45,924 --> 00:28:48,017 Oh, I just had to open the card, Lovejoy. 392 00:28:48,093 --> 00:28:52,860 You know how curious sisters are about the other one's admirers. 393 00:28:52,931 --> 00:28:57,561 Oh, and I am a fan, Lovejoy. You have been very clever. 394 00:28:57,635 --> 00:29:00,433 A little too clever, my friend. 395 00:29:01,506 --> 00:29:04,407 It is a shame though. 396 00:29:04,476 --> 00:29:07,912 I was really getting quite fond of you. 397 00:29:07,979 --> 00:29:10,812 I can't bear to watch this, I'm gonna take a shower. 398 00:29:10,882 --> 00:29:12,179 Yeah. 399 00:29:17,021 --> 00:29:19,046 Oh, shit! 400 00:29:34,506 --> 00:29:36,633 Gerry, look what the tide's washed up. 401 00:29:42,580 --> 00:29:45,242 (Coughs) 402 00:29:53,024 --> 00:29:57,859 I don't think the high dive is your strong suit, sport. 403 00:29:57,929 --> 00:30:00,193 Lovejoy, I'm not a shrink but if you'd like to tell us 404 00:30:00,265 --> 00:30:03,996 why you're throwing yourself into the Grand Canal, me and Gerry are all ears. 405 00:30:04,068 --> 00:30:05,797 Things that desperate, sport? 406 00:30:05,870 --> 00:30:09,067 That cute little Cosima give you the old heave-ho, did she? 407 00:30:09,140 --> 00:30:12,940 If I hadn't jumped I'd have ended up in there anyway with concrete boots on. 408 00:30:13,011 --> 00:30:16,572 Jesus! Sport, if you're in some sort of trouble, count me in. 409 00:30:16,648 --> 00:30:18,946 Gerry loves a spot of gratuitous violence. 410 00:30:19,017 --> 00:30:23,147 We'll leave Keith in Como. Don't want to offend his artistic temperament. 411 00:30:23,221 --> 00:30:24,779 Don't be a boring bitch, Gerry. 412 00:30:24,856 --> 00:30:27,848 - Oh, no, you're not gay. - Isn't everyone these days? 413 00:30:27,926 --> 00:30:29,985 You're not upset, are you, Lovejoy? 414 00:30:30,061 --> 00:30:32,655 There's no such thing as an Australian homosexual. 415 00:30:32,730 --> 00:30:35,995 It's a natural reaction against all that surfboarding, 416 00:30:36,067 --> 00:30:38,763 beer-swilling, sheep-shearing macho bullshit. 417 00:30:43,041 --> 00:30:45,009 Can I borrow some clothes? 418 00:30:45,076 --> 00:30:47,909 I don't wanna risk going back to the hotel. 419 00:30:48,546 --> 00:30:52,004 Don't you think coming back to our place is a risk? 420 00:31:07,999 --> 00:31:09,796 - Lucky? - (Knock on door) 421 00:31:14,505 --> 00:31:18,407 - (Knock on door) - (Lovejoy) Lucky? 422 00:31:21,246 --> 00:31:23,737 Are you going to let me in? 423 00:31:23,815 --> 00:31:26,784 - What's happened? - Trouble. 424 00:31:26,851 --> 00:31:29,820 - What? - I'm going after the people behind the scam. 425 00:31:31,189 --> 00:31:35,421 - Are you a cop or something? - No, self interest, vengeful spite. 426 00:31:35,493 --> 00:31:38,792 - Got a drink? - Yeah, beer or wine? 427 00:31:38,863 --> 00:31:40,660 Beer, please. 428 00:31:45,536 --> 00:31:47,697 Why are you telling me all this? 429 00:31:47,772 --> 00:31:49,672 To warn you. I'm gonna bust that place open, 430 00:31:49,741 --> 00:31:53,006 that hoist you let me put up it's all part of a plan to pull that wall right out. 431 00:31:53,077 --> 00:31:54,908 But that'll flood the place. 432 00:31:54,979 --> 00:31:58,506 Exactly - and screw up Lavinia and Tonio and give us something to retire on. 433 00:31:58,583 --> 00:32:02,110 - Give us? Us? - Well, naturally, Lucky. 434 00:32:02,186 --> 00:32:05,952 I need your help. And to pick out a few choice pieces, 435 00:32:06,024 --> 00:32:07,651 I'd hate to ruin your retirement. 436 00:32:07,725 --> 00:32:10,853 Well, there's one thing, it won't be in Italy now, will it? 437 00:32:10,929 --> 00:32:13,022 Oh, you could work anywhere. 438 00:32:13,097 --> 00:32:16,430 I think you quite fancy going back to the old country. 439 00:32:18,002 --> 00:32:19,264 No. 440 00:32:19,337 --> 00:32:23,740 Listen, all I've got there is a hatchet-faced sister-in-law up in Maryhill. 441 00:32:24,943 --> 00:32:26,467 Come off it. 442 00:32:26,544 --> 00:32:28,739 Dundee marmalade, Sunday Post 443 00:32:28,813 --> 00:32:31,907 and that bottle of Glenmorangie you just slipped in the cupboard when I came in. 444 00:32:31,983 --> 00:32:35,316 - Bet you've got a haggis in the fridge. - All right, all right. 445 00:32:35,386 --> 00:32:37,854 But that doesn't mean I want to work there, does it? 446 00:32:37,922 --> 00:32:41,119 Thatcher, unemployment, strikes. 447 00:32:41,192 --> 00:32:43,683 Partick Thistle never making the grade. 448 00:32:46,965 --> 00:32:48,626 How would we do it? 449 00:32:50,501 --> 00:32:53,026 You've got no choice. 450 00:32:54,238 --> 00:32:56,138 You'll be out of a job tomorrow. 451 00:32:56,207 --> 00:32:58,368 - Not one of us knows where they take... - I do. 452 00:32:58,443 --> 00:33:01,378 - We're blindfolded until we get... - I know! 453 00:33:02,747 --> 00:33:04,544 - You would need a boat. - Got one. 454 00:33:06,084 --> 00:33:08,882 The minute I clapped eyes on you I knew you were trouble. 455 00:33:34,612 --> 00:33:37,172 Hang on to your stomach, Lucky, we're nearly there. 456 00:34:12,283 --> 00:34:15,480 Come on, Lucky, come on. 457 00:34:15,553 --> 00:34:18,681 How did you work out the island? 458 00:34:18,756 --> 00:34:22,886 I recognized the sound of the Lido steamers. 459 00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:28,125 I timed their tos and fros and checked that against the routes and worked it out from there. 460 00:34:28,199 --> 00:34:31,862 Is, um... this place secured, anyway? 461 00:34:31,936 --> 00:34:34,166 Padlocks, easy. 462 00:34:34,238 --> 00:34:36,399 It's a doddle, then, Louis. 463 00:34:36,474 --> 00:34:40,604 I just wish you'd stop saying that, son. I've screwed up my whole life, you know. 464 00:34:42,914 --> 00:34:44,711 What's that? 465 00:34:49,887 --> 00:34:51,354 A lot of rats. 466 00:34:51,422 --> 00:34:55,051 Well, that wasn't the wind in the bleedin' undergrowth. 467 00:34:56,094 --> 00:34:57,755 (Squeaking) 468 00:35:02,300 --> 00:35:04,427 I hate rats. 469 00:35:04,502 --> 00:35:06,231 Come on, Lovejoy. 470 00:35:06,304 --> 00:35:10,104 In 1974, they found one four feet long. 471 00:35:14,312 --> 00:35:20,547 (Lucky) Considering what's in here you'd think they'd make it a bit more difficult to get in. 472 00:35:20,618 --> 00:35:24,611 (Lovejoy) Four feet long? (Lucky) Yeah. And that was in 1974. 473 00:35:32,964 --> 00:35:35,262 Come on, Lovejoy, get the light on. 474 00:35:36,501 --> 00:35:38,128 That's one. 475 00:35:47,211 --> 00:35:49,076 You know what this really is, don't you? 476 00:35:49,147 --> 00:35:52,275 Yeah. Bloody great cork. 477 00:35:52,350 --> 00:35:55,842 Anything pulling it from the outside will bring a chunk of wall down. 478 00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:57,979 And I'm down here. 479 00:35:58,055 --> 00:35:59,352 We will be. 480 00:36:14,505 --> 00:36:16,564 Lucky, go and see where I come out. 481 00:36:21,512 --> 00:36:22,638 Oh, go on! 482 00:36:24,649 --> 00:36:27,618 Oh, shut your face, you're making me nervous. 483 00:36:35,459 --> 00:36:37,086 (Squeaking) 484 00:36:46,170 --> 00:36:48,195 Lovejoy? 485 00:37:10,995 --> 00:37:12,963 (Banging) 486 00:37:20,404 --> 00:37:22,031 Lucky? 487 00:37:22,106 --> 00:37:23,903 Lucky! 488 00:37:23,975 --> 00:37:25,272 Lucky? 489 00:37:27,044 --> 00:37:28,773 Can you hear me? 490 00:37:28,846 --> 00:37:33,545 - Lovejoy? - Lucky? 491 00:37:33,618 --> 00:37:36,781 Lovejoy? Lovejoy? 492 00:37:43,261 --> 00:37:45,923 - Lucky? - Lovejoy? 493 00:37:49,367 --> 00:37:51,028 Go. 494 00:37:53,738 --> 00:37:55,729 Pull! 495 00:37:55,806 --> 00:37:56,932 That's it! 496 00:38:01,312 --> 00:38:03,280 Easy, easy, go on. 497 00:38:03,347 --> 00:38:08,307 Go, hold it. That's it. 498 00:38:15,926 --> 00:38:18,156 Did you find it, Lucky? 499 00:38:18,229 --> 00:38:20,424 I know these don't compare to your manuscripts 500 00:38:20,498 --> 00:38:23,899 but they'll fool the average punter. 501 00:38:23,968 --> 00:38:30,066 Oh, good evening. I was just, uh... putting in a little overtime, Lavinia. 502 00:38:30,141 --> 00:38:34,373 - It's Caterina. - I'm sorry you didn't get my flowers. 503 00:38:34,445 --> 00:38:39,610 In England I warned you that your situation would be vulnerable if you turned against us. 504 00:38:39,684 --> 00:38:42,414 You mean it's not your sis that's ripping off Grandad? 505 00:38:42,486 --> 00:38:45,114 No, it's much more complicated than that. 506 00:38:45,189 --> 00:38:49,751 Lavinia's stealing the originals and sending some of the fakes to Tuscany, 507 00:38:49,827 --> 00:38:52,091 only they don't all reach Tuscany 508 00:38:52,163 --> 00:38:54,222 because Tonio and I have an arrangement. 509 00:38:54,298 --> 00:38:55,925 - Oh, you sell the fakes. - Yes. 510 00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:59,458 What a nice family! Are you related to the Borgias? 511 00:39:02,606 --> 00:39:03,937 What about the Savoldo? 512 00:39:04,008 --> 00:39:05,635 Tell me about Malleson. 513 00:39:05,710 --> 00:39:08,611 It was one of the fakes that we sold in England. 514 00:39:08,679 --> 00:39:10,374 Unfortunately it turned up at an auction, 515 00:39:10,448 --> 00:39:14,043 and being Venetian, attracted my grandfather's attention. 516 00:39:14,118 --> 00:39:16,609 - He wouldn't have killed for it, though. - Accidental. 517 00:39:16,687 --> 00:39:19,747 Oh, yes, you didn't mean to hit him that hard, did you? 518 00:39:19,824 --> 00:39:22,292 I didn't mean to hit him that hard. 519 00:39:23,728 --> 00:39:25,025 Tonio. 520 00:39:25,429 --> 00:39:28,956 Drop that gun or I'll blow your bleedin' balls all over the wall. 521 00:39:37,708 --> 00:39:39,073 What the? 522 00:39:39,143 --> 00:39:40,440 That's not a gun! 523 00:39:48,919 --> 00:39:51,615 Ooh! Oh! 524 00:40:00,197 --> 00:40:02,165 (Gunshot) 525 00:40:08,439 --> 00:40:10,100 Take it easy, Lucky. 526 00:40:10,174 --> 00:40:11,903 (Banging) 527 00:40:11,976 --> 00:40:13,603 Lucky? 528 00:40:19,049 --> 00:40:20,346 Hold it, son. 529 00:40:20,418 --> 00:40:22,386 - The chain's attached to the back. - So? 530 00:40:22,453 --> 00:40:24,045 Loosen it off. 531 00:40:24,121 --> 00:40:26,715 They killed a friend of mine, they would have killed us too. 532 00:40:26,791 --> 00:40:27,758 But you can't. 533 00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:32,124 By the time we get out of this place, they're gonna be gone. 534 00:40:32,196 --> 00:40:34,391 We'll find them. And I want Lovejoy. 535 00:40:34,465 --> 00:40:36,763 Oh, no, no, Lovejoy is mine. 536 00:40:48,512 --> 00:40:50,639 - You let them out, didn't you? - No. 537 00:40:50,714 --> 00:40:54,206 - Listen, you did, didn't you? - Yeah. 538 00:40:56,987 --> 00:40:58,011 (Crashing) 539 00:40:58,088 --> 00:41:00,022 Untie that boat! 540 00:41:05,496 --> 00:41:07,521 Oh, my God. 541 00:41:08,532 --> 00:41:10,762 Clever little so-and-so, aren't you? 542 00:41:10,835 --> 00:41:13,668 That stuff in them tubes must be worth a bob or two. 543 00:41:13,737 --> 00:41:17,138 I owe you one, Lucky. I've caused you enough trouble already. 544 00:41:17,208 --> 00:41:19,403 No, you've probably done me a favor. 545 00:41:19,477 --> 00:41:21,001 (Lovejoy) How's that? 546 00:41:21,078 --> 00:41:23,672 (Lucky) Well, with all that double dealing going on, 547 00:41:23,747 --> 00:41:27,376 the bubble was bound to burst, and sooner rather than later. 548 00:41:27,451 --> 00:41:29,419 I would have been done, wouldn't I? 549 00:41:29,487 --> 00:41:31,580 (Lovejoy) Oh, you're well out of it. 550 00:41:39,797 --> 00:41:41,765 (Coughing) 551 00:41:50,508 --> 00:41:53,033 What are you two doing here? 552 00:41:53,110 --> 00:41:56,375 Doesn't it make you wonder that we keep popping up? 553 00:41:57,448 --> 00:41:59,939 We've been on your tail since day one, sport. 554 00:42:00,017 --> 00:42:02,781 - On my tail? - We're sort of police. 555 00:42:02,853 --> 00:42:05,117 Art Squad. 556 00:42:05,189 --> 00:42:06,986 Am I under arrest? 557 00:42:07,057 --> 00:42:09,821 You might have to hang around for a while. 558 00:42:09,894 --> 00:42:12,124 We're after bigger fish. 559 00:42:12,196 --> 00:42:13,857 Local clink's not bad, though. 560 00:42:13,931 --> 00:42:16,263 - We'll see you're OK, Lovejoy. - The grub's good. 561 00:42:16,333 --> 00:42:17,459 - Lots of pasta. - Yeah. 562 00:42:17,535 --> 00:42:21,164 Oh, if you get a choice of cells, don't take the basement. 563 00:42:21,238 --> 00:42:22,899 Tendency to damp. 564 00:42:58,309 --> 00:43:01,836 So those Art Squad guys, they've been on the case for ages. 565 00:43:01,912 --> 00:43:03,209 Bunch of bloody amateurs. 566 00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:05,840 And according to Lovejoy, fakes began to appear all over... 567 00:43:05,916 --> 00:43:08,749 What professional art thief would have been that careless? 568 00:43:08,819 --> 00:43:12,118 - I agree, but what I don't understand... - (Cheers) 569 00:43:12,189 --> 00:43:14,714 Or what profoundly distresses me 570 00:43:14,792 --> 00:43:19,388 is why he isn't languishing in some wretched Italian prison right now. 571 00:43:19,463 --> 00:43:21,397 Well, they had nothing on me. 572 00:43:21,465 --> 00:43:22,932 Oh, here's your change, Jane. 573 00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:26,868 Well, apart from stealing a boat, and I've got away with that before, haven't I? 574 00:43:26,937 --> 00:43:29,303 - I helped them. - How'd you do that? 575 00:43:29,373 --> 00:43:31,967 Well, they took me to this villa in Tuscany. 576 00:43:32,042 --> 00:43:33,703 That's where you sent this postcard from. 577 00:43:33,777 --> 00:43:36,974 Anyway, this is where all the stuff was stashed and I separated the crap from the genuine. 578 00:43:37,047 --> 00:43:38,446 - You might have put a stamp on it. - Mm? 579 00:43:38,515 --> 00:43:42,474 As someone with a vested interest in the fiscal fortune of Lovejoy Antiques, 580 00:43:42,553 --> 00:43:46,284 am I to understand we've sod all to show for this jaunt? 581 00:43:46,357 --> 00:43:48,325 Oh, I wasn't in it for the money. 582 00:43:48,392 --> 00:43:50,656 I wanted to see criminals brought to justice. 583 00:43:50,728 --> 00:43:54,755 Oh, so you're still broke and fairly desperate then, are you? 584 00:43:58,335 --> 00:44:03,102 (Jane) It's true what Charlie said, isn't it? You are as broke as ever? 585 00:44:03,173 --> 00:44:05,073 Yep. 586 00:44:05,142 --> 00:44:07,110 You've got to stop chasing all over the place, 587 00:44:07,177 --> 00:44:11,113 getting into all sorts of trouble and... scaring your friends. 588 00:44:14,985 --> 00:44:18,944 - You were scared? - I was worried, we all were. 589 00:44:20,991 --> 00:44:22,618 You missed me. 590 00:44:22,693 --> 00:44:27,130 Lovejoy, I missed you more than I'm prepared to say. 591 00:44:27,197 --> 00:44:29,028 It's very disconcerting. 592 00:44:29,099 --> 00:44:31,158 I missed you, I always do. 593 00:44:31,235 --> 00:44:34,329 Well you had Nancy and Cosima to amuse you. 594 00:44:34,405 --> 00:44:37,465 Oh, and Lavinia and Caterina and Lord knows who else. 595 00:44:37,541 --> 00:44:39,668 Lady Felsham, I do believe you're jealous. 596 00:44:39,743 --> 00:44:42,007 - No, I am not! - Yes, you are. 597 00:44:42,079 --> 00:44:43,637 I know, it's pathetic. 598 00:44:52,456 --> 00:44:56,756 You are the one person in the world I could never lie to, about women or anything else. 599 00:44:57,361 --> 00:45:02,355 So if you're wondering if I slept with any of those women, the answer is a categorical no. 600 00:45:11,475 --> 00:45:15,104 - Hello, son. - Oh, Lucky. 601 00:45:15,179 --> 00:45:17,340 (Laughs) 602 00:45:19,483 --> 00:45:22,646 Hey, quaint little neck of the woods you live in here. 603 00:45:22,720 --> 00:45:25,120 What the hell are you doing here anyway? 604 00:45:25,189 --> 00:45:28,647 - Listen, do you want a cup of tea? - Mm. 605 00:45:28,726 --> 00:45:32,560 See, after you dropped me off that night, I did everything you taught me - 606 00:45:32,629 --> 00:45:37,328 I went to ground, fixed myself a new passport after a while and came home. 607 00:45:39,536 --> 00:45:41,504 - I've got something for you. - Yeah? 608 00:45:47,711 --> 00:45:51,511 - Oh, Lucky. - No, no, no, you need a stake. 609 00:45:52,382 --> 00:45:55,579 Jeez, it's freezing in here. So's the whole of England. 610 00:45:55,652 --> 00:45:57,552 - No, you can't. - Please. 611 00:45:57,621 --> 00:46:01,421 - You've got the other one. - Oh, yes. 612 00:46:01,492 --> 00:46:04,620 - My retirement, isn't it? - Lake Como. 613 00:46:04,695 --> 00:46:06,959 No, Maryhill. 614 00:46:07,030 --> 00:46:08,327 OK, Lovejoy. 615 00:46:11,068 --> 00:46:13,366 Which one was it?